


Air Twin Flames

by silversecret



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Canon, Angst, Fluff and Angst, Getting Together, Haikyuu!! Manga Spoilers, Love Triangles, M/M, Minor Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, My First AO3 Post, My First Fanfic, POV Alternating, Pining, Post-Time Skip, Pro Volleyball Player Hinata Shouyou, Pro Volleyball Player Kageyama Tobio, Reunions, Sexual Fantasy, Sexual Tension, Texting, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-27
Updated: 2020-09-01
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:00:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25559221
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silversecret/pseuds/silversecret
Summary: (CONTAINS HAIKYUU MANGA SPOILERS)After the Black Jackals - Adlers match, Kageyama Tobio finds himself aching at night for Hinata, having three years of not seeing him. This is the story of growing yearning, love triangles and how twin flames’ paths have diverged but fight to be reunited once again.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Hinata Shouyou/Miya Atsumu, Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi
Comments: 22
Kudos: 57





	1. Encounter

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone! This is my first fanfic ever so I hope it’s good enough.
> 
> On another note, THIS STORY CONTAINS EXPLICIT SPOILERS TO THE HAIKYUU MANGA (SPECIFICALLY THE TIMESKIP). It is situated right on chapter 401 (which is November 2018) before the timeskip to 2021.
> 
> I did my best effort for it to be easy to read and for you all to truly connect with the story. I know this chapter is short but the next ones are gonna be longer. :)  
> Hope you enjoy it! :)

And after just four sets, it was over. Black Jackals vs. Adlers. Set count: 3-1.

“You made it.”

“Yeah, I’m here now.”

Eyes and soul equally fired up.

***

After greetings, hugs and autographs, they met outside the bathroom for the second time that afternoon. This time round, Hinata seemed to be waiting for Kageyama’s appearance, looking down at his cellphone, leaning on a nearby wall.

Kageyama approached him silently with hands in his pockets, “Hey, dumbass.”

“Hey.” Hinata looked up, his face lit up. “That was intense, right? And seeing everyone afterwards, it was like highschool all over again.” he said excitedly.

“Yeah... not bad for your professional debut, huh?” they lightly bumped fists.

“Thanks, I kept my promise, defeating you on the world stage.” He let out a small laugh, his cheeks starting to flush.

At that sight, Kageyama couldn’t help but smile. “I can’t believe it’s been three years already...” he said, nervously. “We should, uhh... catch up on all your stupid adventures, how about we-“

“Well, well, well... If it isn’t Tobio-kun. I don’t suppose you’re bothering _my_ star spiker... again.” An annoyingly familiar voice called behind him.

Kageyama turned around to encounter none other than Miya Atsumu, looking even smugger than during the match. _This bastard._

He took some steps forward to stand right next to Hinata, looking at Kageyama straight in the eye. “After all, he now spikes for me, ain’t that right, Shouyou-kun?” he said placing his arm around Hinata’s shoulder, with a wide malicious grin across his face.

Tobio almost flinched at that skinship to later be disturbed by his expression. _Ah. Just like the time he called me a 'goodie-two-shoes'_. He shook off that memory.

He clenched his fist by his side, avoiding to show his emotions on his face. Hinata looked away from both of them as the arm on his shoulder closed the gap between him and his teammate.

Kageyama broke his gaze as well, looking down at the floor. “Uh, not really?” _Not that it’s any of your business._ “I was gonna ask him to meet me later.”

Atsumu raised an eyebrow. “Oh, I’m sorry. I don’t think Shouyou-kun is interested in that, Tobio-kun. In fact, he must be very, very tired from all the points he scored against ya. Today must’ve been exhausting for both him and ya, I believe what’s best for us all is to go home and rest.”

Hinata, startled, quickly turned to look at Atsumu. “That’s not-.”

Kageyama looked up, firmly. “It’s fine, really.” he said with an expression Hinata couldn’t quite pinpoint. He would have described it as confident and proud, but he knew Kageyama enough to know that that wasn’t all there was to it. “He’s right, you must be tired.”

Kageyama was surprised at himself for actually saying that aloud. He felt a knot form in his throat as he swallowed back. It wasn’t fine. He hadn’t seen Hinata for so long, why was Miya Atsumu sticking his nose in someone else’s business?

“See? If you know what’s best for our newest team member, I suggest ya don’t bother him.” he said, now grabbing Hinata’s shoulders. He lowered his head a little to almost whisper into his ear, “We should really get going now.” 

Hinata was still for a moment. “...Okay.” Kageyama knew something in the back of Hinata’s head told him to leave it at that. 

Their eyes met again, looking at each other with the same intensity as they always did, since that match in middle school. Hinata’s teeth cracked a big smile as he waved his hand to say goodbye.

Even if he was smiling, Kageyama could sense the outline of anxiousness in Hinata’s eyes. That feeling of distress calling for him, just like when his jumps called for his tosses, and was then inexplicably drawn to them.

Kageyama felt a panic creep inside him, a thought that he would lose Hinata again, the way he had when they parted ways after highschool. That same fear that crawled inside him when he was rejected by his middle school teammates; but this time, he felt aching inside his heart, rather than in his pride.

“Goodbye, Kageyama-kun! The next time, I’ll beat you again.” He turned as he said so, letting himself be guided by Atsumu’s arm. 

Kageyama might have imagined how the latter shot him a pretentious glance, right before turning around and disappearing into the hallway that lead to the exit, all while giggling with Hinata in what seemed to be a lighthearted conversation

“Dumbass.” He whispered for no one in particular to hear. He felt his heart contract in his chest while clenching the front of his jersey with his fist, as if to physically rip the pain away. 

The relationship between a setter and spiker is intimate, but for Kageyama Tobio, it was more than that. And what was painful was that he didn’t know when it had turned out to be like that or how to make that feeling go away, especially when his spiker wasn’t by his side anymore, as he hadn’t been for years.

When Hinata left to Brazil, Kageyama had felt blessed and cursed equally. He had an excuse to not have to immediately deal with those feelings he couldn’t quite explain. On the other hand, he had to say goodbye to someone special, in and outside of the court.

And now, after seeing how Atsumu was able to put his arm around that person so easily, he felt like he was back at square one. And every time he wanted to roll the dice get a cell closer to the goal, a new enemy made him fall back two spaces.

He finally sighed, not knowing he was holding in a breath. He ducked his head and slowly headed to where the rest of the Adlers were stretching to later get on the bus for reunion.

***

When they met in middle school, Kageyama had underestimated him, in all senses. He would’ve never imagined the impact that that short boy would later come to have on his life. 

He opened the door to his apartment, it was small, expected for a person that lived alone, but it was enough. He was used to it. After his grandfather’s death, he never really had someone to keep him company, as his sister had also left volleyball. Hinata had been the exception to it all.

To put it simply, when Hinata was around him, he felt like he was able to be himself.

He dropped his bag on the floor and took off his shoes. He grabbed a glass of water to sit down on his couch, not even bothering to turn the lights on. The loneliness that surrounded him had become part of his body. 

He sometimes bewailed on his highschool days. For the first time in his life, he had had a partner that understood him completely: his ambitions, his unconditional love for volleyball, and his desire for success. It was not until his second year of highschool that Kageyama’s desires had expanded to something -or someone- new; or, at least, that he became aware of it.

As he set the water glass on the coffee table and leaned against the cushions, Kageyama allowed his mind to drift away. 

It had been a long day. He had had morning practice, not that it was something out of the ordinary, a lost match against Hinata, a reunion with the rest of Karasuno’s former team, and an encounter with Miya Atsumu that left a sour aftertaste.

At that moment, all kinds of feelings had fired up inside Kageyama. He was proud of himself for being able to restrain them. 

First of all, he had not expected to be so nervous around Hinata, after all, they had been around each other daily for three years before he joined the V-league. 

Second, he was not sure how to feel seeing Atsumu be so protective and _close_ of Hinata. Startled? Jealous? He couldn’t say.

Lastly, his chest had ached the same way it had done in highschool. He still felt the same way, even after three years had passed. Even if during their youthful days he didn’t end to comprehend why his stomach fluttered around Hinata, right now it was easier to understand it.

Then... maybe he felt relieved he couldn’t hang out with Hinata, he might’ve said something stupid. 

He might’ve confessed, for all he knew; the adrenaline, consequential to spending time with him after so long, could’ve messed everything up.

Then maybe... it was better this way, just like when Hinata was in Brazil...

  
  


Maybe that’s how it should’ve happened... 

  
  


_Maybe..._

  
  


Before he knew it, he had fallen asleep. He dreamt about Hinata and dreamt about himself.

  
  


_He was standing in what seemed like a white and bright, long void. Around him there was nothing else. He walked forward for a while to later spot an orange dot in the distance._

_He knew that color. That precise shade of orange that was bright enough to compete with everyday’s sunset, but subtle enough to blend in with the leaves that fell every autumn. To Kageyama’s eyes, that tint of orange was like a ray of sunshine amongst the darkest of forests. That orange tone was all that Kageyama needed to know that he was okay amongst this blank nothingness._

_He sped up his pace to encounter Hinata, who was looking the other way. Kageyama turned him around by the shoulders to face him. He was wearing his biggest of smiles, his orange hair tousled and messy on his forehead. Hinata lifted a hand to cup Tobio’s face, he wiped something off it as he felt the hand go damp and cold._

_“Why are you crying, Kageyama-kun?” Hinata said, his face still bearing a big smile._

_Puzzled, Kageyama took his own hands to his face just to realize that he was, indeed, crying. He placed his hand over Hinata’s on his cheek, fingers interlaced. He felt as more and more, colder, salty tears ran along them._

_Hinata kept on smiling, creases forming alongside those big brown eyes that Kageyama loved. This time he reached out to embrace the smaller man in front of him. Hinata slowly extended his arms and hugged him back._

_Kageyama ducked his head lightly for Hinata’s hair to muffle his next words. It felt soft along his jawline and smelled of summer._

_“I’m just happy you’re here, I was scared I’d lost you.” Kageyama said. He smiled as his hands tightened into fists over Hinata’s clothes. The latter’s hands felt warm on his back._

_He wasn’t sure if his heart was racing, but he felt more at ease than he had in ages. “I never left,” said Hinata, also muffled, having his face pressed against Kageyama’s bare neck. The warmth from Hinata’s face against his skin made his cheeks flush with color, tears still dripping, damping Hinata’s hair._

_“And I never will.” Hinata finished._

  
  


Kageyama was sure his heart skipped a beat as he fluttered his eyes open.

He took his hand to his chest, he thought back on the last time his heart had behaved like this. He couldn’t remember. Even though he was frozen over, he felt like his body was burning.

_I never left._

With eyes to the ceiling and an overwhelming ache, Kageyama was yearning for something he’d never had. The lack of Hinata’s warmth embracing him added to that night’s solitude.

“Hinata...” he heard himself whisper to the night. 

He felt a single cold tear slide along his cheek and silently drop on the couch. 

Only the stars would know what it was that he was longing.


	2. That Smile

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New Year’s Eve is another silent night for Kageyama.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! I hope you enjoy reading this and, as always, will appreciate all criticism on my work. :)

More than a month had passed since he dreamt about Hinata; to his disappointment, it hadn’t happened again. He didn’t anticipate he’d miss the dreams too. On silent nights, like this one, he would lie down on his couch, in hopes that they would return. That was the only place were he could be with him.

In reality, Kageyama only ever saw Hinata’s face in the thousands of stories that Bokuto posted on a daily basis -taking into consideration that Kageyama only ever checked them out when he actually needed to upload something, like a sponsored ad, which was not very often. In general, he didn’t give much use to his phone.

Even so, this silent night he had found himself staring at his lockscreen hopelessly.

_December 31, 2018_

_9:15 PM_

It was sad enough spending another New Year’s Eve on his own, let alone doing it while missing someone.

He decided to put on his sweats and a sports jacket. He tied his sneakers on and headed for the streets. If he had no one to spend it with, New Years was just another day, so why not do what he’d normally do: go out for a run.

Sendai had always been a peaceful city for him. Even when traveling with the Adlers or the National Team, he always ended yearning for the roads of his youth, one day or another.

Running up the hill gave him enough tranquility to lose himself in the landscape. The night surrounded him in darkness and peace. As he crossed street by street, the only audible sound was the distant honking from the cars in the main highways, down the mountain. 

He hadn’t noticed when, but he had started directing himself to the road that let to Karasuno. Before he knew, he was outside of the Sakanoshita konbini, staring at the huge sign above him. Christmas lights decorating the green tiles.

He stood before it, motionless. His breath dissolving into the cold night.

That store carried the weight of the best years of his life. The sight of the closed doors and illuminated vending machines brought images of highschool. 

A group of young boys, the most important thing in their lives being whether they’d get to Spring High or not. 

Twelve teenagers that would often get pork and curry buns and talked outside for the while, only to be later scolded by their coach for making a riot.

They were a team, but one of them always stood out in Kageyama’s eyes.

He thought of a smile. A smile that changed but kept the same essence. He remembered every appearance that smiled had achieved, whether it was larger or smaller, brighter or duller. 

Whatever the occasion, Hinata’s smile always embodied certain warmth. Love is said to make you weak, but that smile had always made Kageyama stronger.

It was a smile that carried gleeful reminiscences: when Hinata won any of their dumb competitions, when he scored any of dozens of points throughout the years, and when he received that last ball he sent him in the Karasuno gymnasium.

_See you later, Kageyama!_

Kageyama could feel his cheeks get hot at that memory. In the blink of an eye, his partner had become part of him, only to later have to say goodbye after three years.

He hid his face in the collar of his jacket as he smiled with nostalgia.

“I’m glad it’s stayed the same.” A soft voice said.

Kageyama turned his head to the left. A silhouette stood, a couple feet away, darkened by the lack of street lights.The smaller figure took a some steps forward, the sidewalk giving in to the subtle sound.

Kageyama’s world had stopped and restarted its rotation. 

“Hi, Kageyama.” The figure, now illuminated by the Christmas lights above them, was the same as Kageyama once saw in his dream.

A man with messy and tousled, orange hair.

“Hey, dumbass.” He looked up again at the store. “Yeah... It’s the same as always.” Kageyama replied, now realizing he was confused to see him there. “W-Why are you here? It’s New Year’s Eve.”

Hinata let out a small laugh, “I could ask you the same. I just didn’t feel like being home, it would be my first New Years alone.”

Kageyama didn’t expect that, for him, spending such a day alone was normal -still, sad, but normal; but for Hinata, the whirlwind of cheerfulness and friendship, was weird.

“So you live alone?”

“N-No, I’m actually staying with Kenma. You know, now that he’s rich and all. The world-famous Kodzuken.” Hinata made a jazz-hands-like gesture, almost mockingly.

“Oh... so why would you be alone?”

“He’s with Kuroo, they’re a thing now. They invited me over for dinner, but I didn’t want to third wheel.” Hinata said, scratching the back of his head. “So... you...”

“Oh, uh, I’ve spent the last couple of New Years alone. I just thought a change to spend it outside would be good.” he didn’t want to seem that pathetic by saying the truth. He let out a small, self-pitying laugh.

In his embarrassment, he found himself being drawn to Hinata’s eyes. They were silently, but intensely, calling out for him. It wasn’t in the way they were calling him when Atsumu interrupted their conversation, kind of desperately. This time, they were simply calling for his attention.

Kageyama didn’t know when they’d see each other again, he wanted to remember his face. He wanted to keep this single moment forever, cherish this memory and hopefully see it in his dreams again.

He studied his face, losing himself. Hinata’s eyelashes were curled up in a way that made his brown eyes stand out more. They looked larger as they reflected the christmas lights above them. If the night was darker, Kageyama would’ve been able to see the stars reflected in them.

His cheeks were slightly rosed from the cold. His cheekbones more defined than when they were younger. He looked older, but still ported the same vivid and bright aura.

His gaze followed the curves of his nose, down to his lips. They were slightly open, the small white puffs of air blowing out of it rhythmically. Kageyama felt himself swallow as he examined their shape. They had always been small and round. They seemed soft and smooth to the touch. He wanted to place his thumb over them, glide it across. He would then feel his cheek, cupping his face with his palm. 

He lusted over getting closer to him and grabbing him by the waist, maybe gently or maybe with a strong and intense grip that wouldn’t let anything tear them apart. He desired for the space between them to die away. Their bodies would touch, chest to chest. He would bend over a little, allowing themselves to be united as he partly opened his mouth, nearing the other. Their lips would enclose each other and the warmth of their-

“Um, Kageyama?” Hinata called.

Kageyama shook himself out of his fantasy. “Y-Yeah? Sorry.”

“Oh, I was saying it’s already 10:00 PM so I-“

“H-How about you come over?!”

Kageyama blushed after realizing what he’d just suggested. “I-I mean- You don’t have to, but... you know, that way we could both spend New Year’s Eve with someone?” he felt embarrassed.

Hinata slowly formed a huge smile across his face, “Yeah, I would like that.”

Kageyama sighed, relieved.

That smile made Kageyama feel at home.

Even if Hinata had smiled in eagerness during the Black Jackals - Adlers match, Kageyama couldn’t stop to appreciate it. Right now, with a road to walk and a long night to build memories, he would hold on to it and all the times he hoped it would reappear.

That smile made the coldest and most silent of nights into the most warm and effusive one Kageyama had had in three years.

Kageyama felt his nervousness fade away as he returned it with fondness.

***

“And then Oikawa completely failed his jump serve against those guys we had just met.” Hinata said, laughing.

“Now _that’s_ embarrassing, I would’ve loved to see that.” Kageyama replied, feeling proud, as if it was his story to tell.

They walked up the narrow hallway until they stopped before his apartment.

“What a nightmare, tho. Seeing him even across the world? Ew.” Kageyama shivered.

Hinata chuckled. “It was nice to see someone from home after all that time. I can even say we’re besties now. No need to be jealous.” he elbowed Kageyama.

“HA. Yeah, right.” he replied as he opened the door and let Hinata step inside, closing it behind them.

“Sorry for the intrusion!” Kageyama turned the lights on. “WOAAH! This is your place? So cool!”

“Come on, it’s nothing impressive. Besides, should be really small compared to Kozume-san’s house, right?” 

“I mean, yeah, but this has a more homey feel to it, at least for me.” he looked at him and smiled. “Kenma’s house is just a lot to take in, can even be intimidating.”

“I can figure. Anyways, over there’s the bathroom -your favorite room-, and you can sit over there while I prepare us something to drink.” he pointed over to a door near them and then to the couch in the middle of the room.

“I already told you it’s not like that anymore!” Hinata rolled his eyes and followed to sit where indicated after taking his shoes off. He took his phone out of his pocket and placed it on the coffee table. It read:

_December 31, 2018_

_10:15 PM_

“I can offer you hot chocolate, is that alright?”

“Aw, you don’t drink your milk anymore?” Hinata pouted, sarcastically.

“I’m literally going to punch you right now.” Kageyama replied, showing him his fist.

“I’d like to see you try!”

Kageyama walked towards the couch and sat down, beside Hinata. He handed him a mug with said chocolate. _Itadakimasu_ they said in unison as they took a first sip of the sweet beverage.

The warmth from the drink made his whole body relax as it traveled down his throat. From Hinata’s expression, he supposed it had been the same for him.

Hinata eyed around the place, “I really think this place fits you.”

Kageyama lifted an eyebrow at him, “It’s nothing special. I got it after we graduated.”

“Don’t you get lonely?”

Kageyama went speechless.

“I-I MEAN... For me, you know, moving to a new country, having an unknown roommate, learning a new language... It was hard.” Hinata dug his gaze down at the mug. “I was just wondering how you managed.”

Kageyama sighed, “I guess it isn’t that different from before. My family was almost never there, volleyball took most of my time. I guess the only difference is the bed I sleep in... And the fact that you were no longer around.”

Kageyama could see the slight blush that formed on Hinata’s cheeks.

The soft lighting in the apartment brought out the best of every small detail in his face.

Kageyama couldn’t help but stare at him and picture remembrance of their second year of highschool, the year he knew he had fallen in love with Hinata.

His jawline was sharper now. He could tell that his arm muscles under all that winter clothing were more toned. His nose was as perked up as it always had been. The ends of his orange hair slightly curling up on the back of his neck. His skin was also tanner, all that sunlight from beach volleyball gave him a distinct glow.

Kageyama drew his gaze to Hinata’s hands, grasping the warm mug underneath. He had always liked them. They weren’t delicate or thin, like his were, but that’s what made them special. They were proof of his efforts and reminded Kageyama of all the times they had been connected to each other in the air.

One way or another, they always found their way to his tosses, just like Hinata had found his way into Kageyama’s heart.

“Kageyama, everything alright? You kind of zoned out a bit.”

Kageyama blinked a couple of times, “Yeah... everything is perfectly fine.” He smiled tenderly at him. He felt nothing but fondness and a faint warmth at the bottom of his chest as he looked at the man across him.

  
  


They talked about anything and everything for more than an hour and a half. They spoke of their highschool days, on Hinata’s acquired portuguese abilities, Kageyama’s new friendship -if that’s what it’s called- with Ushijima, and more.

Hinata looked over at his phone.

_December 31, 2018_

_11:53PM_

“Kageyama, it’s almost midnight.” Hinata said, excitedly standing up, fixing his clothes and hair. “So... what should we do?”

“Oh, hold on a bit, I have some Amazake we could have.” he got up and prepared the beverage. He came back with two small cups and gave one to Hinata, still standing up. “I always have some at hand to drink by myself this time of the year.”

_December 31, 2018_

_11:59PM_

“Here goes, to another year full of victories.” said Hinata.

“To another year playing volleyball with you.” Kageyama replied.

Hinata showed surprise in his face, followed by a gentle smile.

They stood in silence for a moment as they drank the fermented liquid. Kageyama looked over his cup and noticed how Hinata’s eyelids carefully closed when he gulped silently. He couldn’t help but smile, his face slightly rosing up.

He felt at ease. He was sharing a special moment with the person most special to him. He wished he could shout to the world how happy he felt to be next to Hinata. Something inside him couldn’t stop him from actually opening his mouth to say it to him.

“Hinata...” They looked at each other. Kageyama took a step forward to be closer to him. He inhaled deeply. As both of them blushed, not breaking their gaze, he continued, “I want to-“

Hinata’s phone went off.

The vibrations echoing with the table underneath it startled Hinata, looking embarrassed. He broke their gaze and reached out for the phone. Making an apologetic expression, he picked up.

Kageyama exhaled, he couldn’t help but feel disappointed. That feeling then turned into annoyance as he heard the voice coming from the phone, struggling to form the words it said. He subconsciously clenched his jaw in place.

_”HAPPY NEW YEAR SHOUYOU-KUN!”_

“Oh, Atsumu-san.” Hinata lowered his phone to look at the screen.

_January 1, 2019_

_00:01 AM_

“Happy New Year to you too!” he finished. He took a small turn to not bother Kageyama.

_"Hope y'all are having a good dinner at Kenma-kun’s.”_

“Oh, I’m actually with Kageyama right now. Wanna say hi?”

Kageyama scoffed.

_"Yeah... uh, no thank ya. Ya can send him ma regards. Anyways, take care Shouyou-kun, be sure to get home safely.”_

“I will. Thanks for calling, bye-bye!” Hinata ended the call and placed down his phone.

_Bye-bye?_

Hinata turned again and took a step forward to look at Kageyama. “I’m sorry about that, he says hi. So... where were we?” he said, smirking.

“I... Don’t worry. I- I was-“ forming those words was harder on him that he’d expected. “Are you two together?”

Hinata almost jumped, taken aback.

“Are we-... WHAT?” he asked, clearly surprised and almost offended.

“Oh, you don’t- uh... I’m- I’m sorry, I thought you leaned towards _that_ side.” he let out an awkward laugh. “You know, that you liked men.”

“No no, oh my god... I mean- I do. I guess I lean both ways? I also like women, if that answers your question.” he replied, not as uncomfortable as Kageyama was. “What I meant is, no, I’m not dating Atsumu-san.”

“Really?! T-that’s... that’s great!” Kageyama said, not bothering to hide part of his happiness. “Or not? I guess it isn’t that great if you like him?”

Hinata laughed, “I…” he looked straight into Kageyama’s eyes. Hinata had started to get closer to him slowly, he didn’t precisely know when. “It all got confusing when I saw you after the match.”

His brown eyes were locked on him so intensely, they seemed as if they were about to devour him completely.

Kageyama inhaled, clearly starting to flush, “I’m certain that he does like _you_ that way, tho.”

“Well, _that_ ,” Hinata said as he got closer to Kageyama’s face by the second, his voice getting lower, “isn’t important right now, is it?.”

“Do _I_ need to get worried about it?” Kageyama whispered, as Hinata’s face was close enough to feel his breath against his skin. Any louder than that would’ve seemed like a scream.

His own breath felt heavy. As Hinata closed the gap between them to millimeters, he knew his heartbeat was racing underneath all the clothes. 

If he was still in highschool, his legs would’ve given up. He couldn’t afford that now, he had been waiting years to have Hinata this close to him.

“I’ll let you decide that.” replied Hinata, in an equally quiet and soft voice.

_Holy shit._

Hinata took his gaze from Kageyama’s eyes to his lips, several times.

Kageyama felt a shiver down his spine as his knuckles brushed against Hinata’s, their hands hanging loosely at their sides. He felt frozen in place, even if he was imagining on doing all kinds of things to him.

He imagined himself cupping Hinata’s face and bringing it just a few millimeters closer, enough for their lips to touch and engage in a slow and feverish kiss.

“Hinata...” he whispered so lightly the sound barely came out.

His lower stomach fluttered in a mix of nerves and arousal.

He felt his inhales getting quicker and more constant as their bodies held on to this seductive proximity.

Hinata tilted his head to the side and forward so his mouth was brushing Kageyama’s ear. The warmth that wrapped each of his breaths had a tingling effect on his whole body. He hoped he didn’t look as turned on as he was, it would be embarrassing.

“Kageyama...” 

He could tell Hinata was equally nervous as him. Each of his exhales caressed his earlobe and made the hair in the back of Kageyama’s neck prickle. If the night wasn’t so cold he would’ve started sweating from the anticipation.

In the anxiety of the situation, his mind wandered. He thought of November, the day they saw each other again. Outside the bathroom wasn’t what he expected as a romantic location for their reunion. Even so, to him, Hinata looked like the rainbow that forms after a rainy storm. But when he pictured that scenery, something bothered him. There’s no rainbow without the sun, and the clouds were stopping it from shining through. 

He pictured a blond man with an undercut and an irritating grin. Miya Atsumu was the clouds that prevented the colors from showing. _I don’t know. It all got confusing when I saw you after the match._

This isn’t what Kageyama wanted. He wanted Hinata, that’s for sure, but he wanted to be his one and all in his heart.

His hands tightened into fists. Most of his body contracted into place and he let out an exhale to relax. Hinata must have felt his tension as he backed up from his ear.

“I can’t.” Kageyama broke the silence, looking down.

The wave of heat, that had been slowly building up in their chests, popped and started to dissipate. 

“I...” Kageyama took a step back to look at him. At least half of Hinata’s face was completely red. _He’s so cute_. Little did he know, he was just as or even more blushed.

“I just... not if Miya-san is still somewhere in the middle.” 

He smiled at Hinata, genuinely. He wasn’t sad or angry. It felt like the right thing to do: it was past midnight, Hinata had just told him he _did_ like men, and god knows what would’ve happened later if they had indeed kissed. Hinata didn’t seem uncomfortable or disappointed either.

“Okay.”

Before leaving, Hinata helped Kageyama out with the dishes and grabbed his stuff.

After a few minutes, Kageyama opened the door for him and Hinata stepped through, now in the hallway.

He turned around to take one last look at Kageyama, “Thank you, for inviting me.”

“Thank you for agreeing.” he replied, not caring to show how blissful he was. “Glad I ran into you.”

Hinata blushed a little, “Me too. We should... do this more often?”

He blushed. “Yeah.” he looked tenderly into those brown eyes that always seemed to dig deep into his soul. “I uh... Text me when you get back?”

Hinata let out a giggle, “Mr. I-don’t-use-social media wants me to text him?” he said sarcastically.

“Shut up before I take it back, dumbass.” He smacked him lightly in the head and turned to the side timidly.

He stopped giggling and shot him a comforting smile. “I will. Goodnight, Kageyama-kun!” He waved his hand goodbye and walked down the hallway.

Kageyama didn’t close the door until the orange spot was nowhere to be seen. He slowly turned the knob and heard the click from the lock resound up to his eardrums.

The night went silent again but he didn’t feel lonely. Kageyama made sure to take in the new atmosphere his place had adopted. It was like Hinata’s mood had infected the entire apartment with light and joyfulness.

That night, Kageyama went to lie on his bed and waited for that text. 

***

He hung up and let his arm hang loose by his side, phone still in hand. He tilted his head back to admire the stars that embellished the night more beautifully than all the Christmas lights.

He couldn’t help but have a sinking feeling in his chest. He felt like he was slowly drowning, with no way to gasp for air, and no method of calling for help. 

He took a deep breath and saw how the exhalation took the shape of a white mist that disappeared into the rest of the air.

He lifted his hand and looked at the device.

_January 1, 2019_

_00:02 AM_

He went to the recent contacts and dialed one of them. After several ringing, the other side picked up:

_"Yes?”_

“Hey! HAPPY NEW YEAR OMI-OMI!” 

_“Ah, Happy New Year, Miya.”_ Sakusa replied on the other end of the line, borderline monotonous.

“C’mon Omi-kun, don’t be so uptight with me.” Atsumu answered, pouting.

 _“Mmmgh... Miya, it’s past midnight, I’m tired. Is this something important?”_ he yawned.

“I... need to talk to someone.”

He knew Sakusa understood exactly what he meant by that. 

_“...Okay. Let’s meet up tomorrow, you choose the place. Send me the location later, okay?”_

“Goodnight, Omi-kun.” he replied, smiling. “And thanks.”

_“Yeah, yeah, whatever you need. Goodnight.”_

The call ended, every beeping tone dissolving into Miya’s ear, phone still pressed onto it.

He sighed deeply into the profund sky. He wished the clouds above him would give him the answers to his worries and questions.

All he could do was hope it wasn’t too late.


	3. Chilly Weather

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first day of a new year.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! I had been procrastinating for like 3 weeks to write this chapter but it actually came in pretty quickly and smoothly in a couple of days. Hope you enjoy it! :)

Kageyama’s phone vibrated on his nightstand. He sat on his bed and reached out for it.

_January 1, 2019_

_00:28 AM_

_**Hinata:** Hey _

_**Hinata:** Just got home _

_**Hinata:** Didn’t die on the way _

_**Kageyama:** You better not, dumbass _

_**Kageyama:** Anyways, sleep well _

_**Hinata:** You too _

Kageyama stared at his phone for at least a minute, hesitant on just letting the conversation die away, before it buzzed again.

_00:30 AM_

_**Hinata:** Hey _

_**Kageyama:** Yeah? _

_**Hinata:** I had a really good time tonight ٩( 'ω' )و _

Kageyama felt as if he were slowly sinking into his mattress, not moving a single inch. His heart raised against his chest, he felt it pump loudly against his eardrums. 

He didn’t have much experience with texting and didn’t really know how to reply to that. Was he talking about all the catching up? Was he thinking about when they almost kissed? Was he just saying it as a formality?

_00:32 AM_

_**Kageyama:** Me too _

_**Hinata:** ✌︎('ω'✌︎ ) _

_What’s with that emoji? Is he a child?_

“So annoying.” he lightly rolled his eyes and sighed. He placed his phone down and let himself curl up into the bed. Even if what the next day would bring to him was uncertain, his chest felt warm and full with a feeling that insisted on creeping a smile on his lips. He hugged his pillow and folded his legs against it and let the wintry atmosphere lull him to sleep.

***

Hinata heard the front door shut and footsteps approaching him.

“Morning, Shouyou.” a calm and soft voice called.

Hinata looked up from the stove to see Kenma slowly walking across the kitchen door. His face was as serene as the first time they met.

“Good morning, Kenma! I’m finishing breakfast and I also prepared the kotatsu for us to eat, sit down and I’ll bring it.” Hinata replied, as cheerful as always.

“Thanks, Happy New Year, by the way.” he did as suggested and got under the kotatsu, letting the quilt warm up his legs.

“Happy New Year.” Hinata said with a smile. “Want some tea?”

“It’s okay, I had some at Kuroo’s, but whatever you’re making for breakfast I’ll have.” he yawned.

“Long night of no sleep?” he wiggled his eyebrows at Kenma. After all, he had spent the night over at his boyfriend’s.

“We _did_ sleep. You know I only pull all nighters for new games.”

Hinata let out a small laughter. He finished plating up the _osechi_ and took them towards where Kenma sat down. _Itadakimasu_ he heard Kenma say too as they dug into the _jubako_. 

“You really outdid yourself with this one, you didn’t have to.” Kenma said in between bites of the black soy beans.

“It was nothing, really. I couldn’t sleep so I got myself busy making them.” he replied, mouth also full as he dived deeper into the dish.

“Was Miya up all night calling you?”

“No... and I actually went to Kageyama’s house.”

Kenma’s jaw stopped dead. He almost dropped his chopsticks then and there, clearly startled. “Say what now?”

“Yeah, we ran into each other and uh, we went to his place-“

“Hold on... don’t tell me you guys-“

“No, Kenma, we didn’t sleep together.” Hinata rolled his eyes. “It wasn’t like that.”

Hinata went on to tell him everything that had happened the night before, not sparing the details of them almost kissing, Miya Atsumu calling him in the middle of it all, or Kageyama stopping them from going forward. Kenma was the only person he could always honestly tell his problems to. He knew that he would listen attentively and give an objective thought on the situation, that’s the way he was.

“That was really mature of him.” he said, finishing up his breakfast.

“Yup, couldn’t disagree.” he pushed aside his now empty _jubako_.

“Okay... so you’re telling me you like Kageyama?”

“I... I guess?” he took his hands to the sides of his face.

“And what about Miya?”

Hinata looked up at him immediately, “You know how it is with us... it’s nothing serious _serious_.”

“Have you _talked to him_ about that? Because I’m pretty sure he might be getting the wrong idea from you. You’ve always been an affectionate person, prone to skinship -can’t relate, to be honest-, and I’ve seen how he acts around you. For all I know, he might even think you guys are already dating, I don’t think he wants to stay as friends, or whatever it is you call that.”

Hinata lightly banged his head against the tabletop. He inhaled deeply before formulating his answer. “Ugh, I know, even Kageyama noticed it, after just seeing him for literally two minutes.”

“Now that’s low. He’s always been oblivious of people’s feelings.”

“I know.” he picked his head up and looked at Kenma. “I’ve just... always liked it the way we are. We flirt with each other, we sometimes go out, we’ve slept together here and there -I know it’s like we’re basically dating, but we’ve never really defined it as such. Besides, it’s only been like that for a couple of months, you can’t really say if something is official without agreeing to it... right?”

Kenma took a few seconds to gather his thoughts, “If Miya were to think you guys _are_ dating, let’s say he didn’t feel the need to clarify it to you out-loud, wouldn’t you like that?”

He paused to slightly sigh, “It’s nice having someone by my side, but...”

“You’d rather it be Kageyama?”

Hinata blinked and sat silently for a second. “I don’t know... I haven’t really had the opportunity to think what it would be like with him. Besides, it’s been three years since we last hung around in a daily manner. All we did last night was catch up. For all I know, he might still have the emotional intelligence of an edgy, emotionally stunted, teenager.”

They sat in silence for a while until Kenma was the one to take the reins, he had understood way back into the conversation that Hinata might’ve messed up real bad.

“Shouyou, what does Miya make you feel?”

Hinata clasped his hands together and gazed out front, not staring at anything in particular. He exhaled and allowed his thoughts to drive freely. 

He thought of Atsumu’s hands around his waist, the same hands that allowed him to fly in the court. They were always firm around him, as if protecting him from straying away. His fingertips were always hot against skin. When they found their way under the hem of Hinata’s pants, they were sure to leave a burning trail behind. And his palms, not as callused as the slender companions, were also steady and sure when cupping his own cheeks.

He then imagined Atsumu’s body on top of him in bed. His warm skin always melted into him while kissing. Hinata adores to straddle Atsumu’s hips with his legs to keep him from backing up. Would he describe their sex as gentle and delicate? Absolutely not. Whenever they did each other it always felt hot and wild, never the docile or sentimental type that was shown on romantic movies.

Lastly, he thought of Atsumu’s face. The face he wore whenever they won a game. The expressions he made when Hinata made a point out of this tosses. But something nudged his memories. Whenever they sat on the bus together and Hinata looked outside the window, he saw the look Miya gave him as he thought the reflection wouldn’t give him away. When they went out for dinner with the team, Hinata saw from the corner of his eye how Miya had a light blush, hiding under his water glass, just from sitting next to him. And when they cuddled after sex, he always felt Miya’s warm smile against the back of his neck, creeping in and clearly not meaning for Hinata to know it was there.

Hinata snapped back into reality, his eyes widening. _Holy fuck._ “Miya is in love with me.”

“Well, duh.” Kenma said with a low voice, not especially aggressive or overly sarcastic, he never was with him. “You didn’t answer my question, tho.”

“I- he makes me feel good.”

Kenma waited in silence for more “...and?”

“Well... when I’m with him I feel cared for and loved.”

“But do _you_ love him?”

“I... I don’t know. I only know that I don’t want to hurt him.”

Kenma sighed slightly, “You know, Shouyou, you’ve had a whole lot after you, even since highschool, it is bound to happen to break someone’s heart... even if it’s your own.”

***

After Kenma told him all about his night at Kuroo’s, Hinata made sure to clean up until the kitchen was left squeaky clean. Kenma was still surprised at Hinata’s ability to cook and clean so properly, though it was to be expected after spending three years rebuilding himself in another country.

While Kenma was setting up for his New Years livestream, Hinata took a shower and finished with his morning routine.

He sneaked into the gaming room, trying not to disturb Kenma’s own pre-livestream concentration. “Hey, Kenma, I’m leaving.”

Kenma took his headphones off and turned around to look at his friend, “Oh, where to?”

“To the shrine,” he said as he adjusted his winter coat’s collar, “gotta get that luck first day of the year, right?”

Kenma let a small smile show, “Maybe I’ll head over with Kuroo after I finish with this. Take care, Shouyou.”

Hinata left the room and braced himself for the freezing air that would hit him as he opened the front door.

As unexpected as it was, he had missed the icy New Years that Japan brought. Spending years by the beach made him miss using comfy and thick clothes that hugged him, protecting him from the biting climate.

He also didn’t know when he had started yearning for the hot morning beverages -other than coffee-, whose dissipating steam conformed part of the experience of drinking them. 

And lastly, but most importantly, he had been longing for the next opportunity to use his favorite green scarf once again. Fortunately for him, having returned to his home city, the grass-shaded cloth was back with him, warming up his neck. For Hinata, that scarf had become an extension of him when days were white, as if it wasn’t even there. It only felt natural to have it wrapped around his throat, providing him heat, comfort -both physical and emotional-, and pleasant recollections of his highschool days. He grasped onto it, near his chest, with a gloved hand and made his way down the road. 

A curve formed on his lips. He felt a familiar solace form under his skin, ignoring the piercing cold that made sure to stiffen up the end of his nose.

The morning sky welcomed him as he turned for the last streets that reached for the shrine up the hill.

***

_January 1, 2019_

_7:57 AM_

Atsumu’s text told him to meet him at a certain coffee shop a few blocks away from the shrine. The rendezvous called for 8:00 AM, but Sakusa liked to give himself the luxury of a few minutes to select the ideal seating location.

He opened the crystal door to the establishment. The cozy coffee fragrance made its way up his nose, inviting him to a snuggly atmosphere and leaving the frosty air outside.

He carefully closed the door behind him as the barista greeted his entrance. He slightly bowed his head, letting the dark curls bounce against his forehead. 

Sakusa strode to the back of the café. It was his first time there but already understood why Atsumu had chosen that place.

It was small, less than five or six tables for customers to sit down. Maybe it was the subtle background music, or all the natural lighting that seeped through the glass windows, or the quiet that the rest of the customers seemingly agreed to make; he couldn’t really tell why, but he had found the coffee pleasant and knew that Miya had taken his contemplations and preferences into account. 

He let a small smile form under his mask at that thought.

He chose the most secluded table and pulled the neater-looking chair of the two. He sat down with hands inside his jacket’s pockets. 

Contrary to popular belief, he wasn’t the type to order a simple black coffee, and so decided he still had a couple minutes left to make up his mind on whether he’d have his caramel macchiato with or without whipped cream. He also couldn’t tell whether he’d need that extra shot of espresso after what Miya was going to tell him, and he knew exactly what it was he wanted to talk about.

He knew.

He knew what was causing Miya’s eyes to glimmer at every training.

He knew that the moment Hinata had joined the Black Jackals, he had lost every opportunity.

He knew Miya had never seen him the same way, and never would.

He knew Atsumu was in love with Hinata,

and yet… he had never been able to let go.

It had started with a stare, a couple of smiles, and a lot of tongue sticking out.

Back in highschool, Miya Atsumu was just another rival behind the net. But after some weeks training for the same professional team, Sakusa Kiyoomi was head-over-heels for the untoned blonde.

He had started noticing little details of him, each one smaller and more precise than the previous one, like the very specific way Miya occasionally tied his shoelaces. When Sakusa decided to ask him about it, he didn’t seem to know that making a 4-leaf clover with the ‘bunny ears’ was, in fact, not a conventional way to fasten them. Sakusa might’ve not shown it, but he liked knowing that Atsumu wasn’t as cool as he always made believe and in reality had a weird side deep down.

Another day he took note of the exact order in which he filed his fingernails; starting with his left pinky, then the right one, next came the right thumb and then the other hand’s, alternating both fingers and hands and working his way towards the middle. Sakusa first thought it was a coincidence, but the pattern was very much there. That time, knowing how _ridiculous_ Atsumu actually was, he didn’t feel the need to ask him if there was a reason behind that habit, it would’ve probably killed some of Sakusa’s brain cells off.

The most recent detail he had regarded was how Atsumu unconsciously and slightly lifted his eyebrows every time he raked his hand through his hair. Whenever it got messy, he smoothed it back one or two times until it got back to its original style. Sakusa maybe thought the eyebrow movement was a sort of placebo effect where, by flexing his forehead muscles, his hairs at the hairline would adjust more accurately. Counter to the other small habits, Sakusa thought that that one was kind of cute.

But amongst those little -no matter if weird or charming- particularities, there stood the ones that had made Sakusa doubt on whether confessing to him was a good idea. Those ones were way more obvious. The one that even Bokuto had noticed was how Atsumu’s shoulders seemed to relax whenever Hinata entered the training gym doors, even if they didn’t really seem to be tensed up to begin with. 

They then diverged from shoulder relaxing, to held-back blushes, to genuine cracked smiles and laughs that weren’t that frequent for Miya, at least not in the middle of trainings.

Soon enough, Miya and Hinata were becoming closer, until they were openly flirting with each other. 

_"Omi-omi! Ah, you won’t believe what happened!” he told Sakusa, “I did it, I made a move on Shouyou-kun. It’s nothing serious, of course, at least not yet.”_

And like a broken mirror, Sakusa’s vision had cracked to pieces, the shattering noises filling his innermost thoughts. Whatever Miya was telling him became a muffled sound to his ears and his mind went tumbling. He probably looked paler than his usual mask, but he only had enough blood running along his body to be able keep his jaw from dropping.

Once Miya’s words reshaped from a mumble to a high pitched screech, he regained awareness, blinking the desolation out of his head -at least a part of it. He stared at the guy in front of him and all he could delineate was the way his smile was wider and purer than ever before, his smiling lines deeper and even more pronounced than when he made service aces. He also caught the way his eyes seemed more... _alive_.

He felt something against the back of his throat. Maybe it was a gulp, or a scream. 

Tears, definitely tears. They were craving to outbreak and stream along his cheeks, dampening his chin and making their way to the floor below them. 

If only tears were invisible. 

But he didn’t cry, at least not at that moment. He couldn’t do that to Miya. He couldn’t show him that he wanted to run away and let the tears drown his face. Atsumu shouldn’t need to know that his best friend was clenching his hands into fists inside his pockets; that he wanted to scream until his voice cracked and disappear and never ever fall for someone again. 

He couldn’t do that. Atsumu was happy, happier than he’d ever seen him. Happier than he could ever make him.

_"I’m happy for you, Miya.” Sakusa said, forcing a smile on his face, struggling to look directly at his eyes._

Even if it hurt -and it did- he didn’t have the courage to wipe away that radiant expression from Atsumu’s face for the sake of his own happiness. He wasn’t selfish enough to disrupt the bliss he knew Miya was feeling and letting his chest fill up with.

He decided to endure the racking pain that clung towards the left side of his ribcage and promised himself to never let Atsumu know that he loved him. He chose to bury away his feelings, even if it meant letting go of the only person he’d ever loved.

He had tried and failed in the attempt, he then understood it would be harder to achieve than just saying it.

Several months had passed and he still hadn’t been able to deny his emotions. But it wasn’t easy when he had to see him everyday at training. It wasn’t easy when Miya kept on acting like always, telling him everything about his life and being as friendly he got. But he knew he couldn’t blame him, after all, he was clueless about Sakusa’s feelings. If Sakusa were the one to change his attitude towards him, suspicions would’ve led to him needing to explain the reasons, and that was precisely what he needed to steer clear of.

So avoiding him wasn’t an option, and confessing was off the table.

For those months he had kept on the facade. The same old Sakusa that hated crowds. The one that seemed gloomy but -as the rest of the team already knew- was just another chaotic soul.

Under it all was the one that suffered from unrequited love and lived with the idea that maybe, just _maybe_ , he was better off alone.

The timing felt precise as he glared down at the table in front of him and heard the barista greet someone the same way he did to him a few minutes before. He peeked at his metal wristwatch.

_8:00 AM_

_As punctual as always, Miya._

He turned to see the blond setter approaching his table. “Hey, Omi-kun! Happy New Year.” he smiled at Sakusa while sitting down on the chair across him.

“Happy New Year, Miya.” he took his mask off and put it inside his pocket. 

Atsumu turned to the side to look out the window that portrayed the white sky and started to take off his scarf, “The weather’s been real chilly these days, don’t ya think?”

Sakusa turned in the same direction. In the coffee-bathed air of the place, he had forgotten about the outside ambiance.

He breathed deeply through his nose, “Yeah...” he said with a calm voice.

Whipped cream, he would have his coffee with whipped cream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot to mention that since this is an alternate cannon, the locations of the teams and characters' houses are not accurate to the original cannon. Here everything takes place in Miyagi :)


End file.
